Prematurity Awareness Day 2011

November 17th is World Prematurity Awareness Day. Unfortunately, 1 in 8 babies is born too soon. Women of color have a higher chance of delivering a baby prematurely than women of other ethnicities. Women who are carrying multiples are also at a greater risk. You can easily find all these things out, but there a few things that I want to share about prematurity that nobody tells you.



Nobody tells you that though your baby may be small he is the the most perfect thing that you've ever seen in your life. The minute you lay eyes on him you immediately fall in love and you know, without a doubt, that you would give your life for his. There is this immediate attraction and attachment and even though he may be hooked up to tubes and machines he is beautiful. You are his mother and he knows that you are there with him even though you can't hold him. Even though you may not be able to touch him. He needs you.

Mama sees her boy (Ryan) for the first time

Nobody tells you just how frightening the NICU can be. The sights and sounds alone will keep you on the edge of your seat. Nobody tells you that you may see babies die. You may see babies be bagged. You may see a group of doctors tear down the hall when they hear a certain code. Nobody tells you that your cell phone becomes both your best friend and worst enemy, because you're terrified to hear it ring yet terrified to be without it. You will get a few late night calls about your baby. But, you don't know this.

Nobody tells you exactly how hard the journey through the NICU will be. You will hear that the NICU is a "roller coaster." You'll hear this a lot, and you'll get sick and tired of it! You don't know this at first, but you have this strength that you never even knew existed and you'll dig deep. You'll endure it all even though you are scared out of your mind. You'll sit by you babies' bedside day in and day out for hours at a time. You'll watch them be pricked and poked, and it'll break your heart each time. But, you'll be there. You'll suck it up because your baby is fighting and you'll fight right along with him.

Nobody tells you that you'll pump every three hours around the clock. You'll set an alarm and you'll get up and do it. You'll cart bottles and bottles of breast milk to that hospital like your life depends on it. In a way it does; this is the one thing only you can do for your baby.

Nobody tells you that eventually you'll get used to the dings and chimes of the machines. That you'll soon be able to tell a false alarm from an emergency. You'll even learn how to work the monitors. Sometimes, you can even tell the nurses a thing or two, because this is your baby. They may be the experts, but you are the mama. There are some things you just know, and this knowing is not minimized because your baby is not home with you. Your being a parent is not diminished one bit because you are in the NICU.

You don't know this at the time, but you'll adjust to parenting in the NICU. Every single chance you get to change a diaper or an outfit, you'll have the best feeling ever. You'll live for these moments with your child.

Out of order, but Ryan is headed home! Last outfit change in the NICU, first time peeing on Daddy!


Evan's first bottle from Mama

Daddy changes Ryan's diaper for the first time

Nobody tells you that you'll learn so much about medicine. That you'll be able to have technical conversations with doctors and actually be able to understand. You'll sit in on rounds, keep notes, ask questions, and be an advocate for your child.

Nobody tells you that you will eventually consider yourself blessed for having gone through 89 and 96 days respectively of NICU time. Though the NICU experience is the absolute hardest thing you've ever experienced at this point in your life, it is also a gift. Shocking, but true. Because of this experience you get to see just how precious life really is. You'll really come to understand that each day is a precious gift. You'll learn to celebrate even the smallest things. Each and every thing that your baby does gives you the absolute best feeling ever. You get excited and over-the-moon happy about the slightest things that parents who have not had the experience don't understand. The best part? It happens over and over again for you, even two years later. You'll know just how amazing they really are. It's not just a cliche' to you. If you've been down this road there is this something that you feel that can't be described. Only people who have babies born too soon or too sick knows what this feels like. You'll come to realize that this is a gift.

Finally, nobody tells you that you will be forever changed. That you will morph into a different person than you were before. You will be more tolerant, patient (most days), kind, and less judgemental. You'll still remember those dark days, of course. Certain sights and sounds can take you right back to those moments. You still remember some things from those dark days right down to the details. The NICU days may be long gone, but you'll still get sad. It will never completely go away. This new you doesn't even want to forget, though. This is your story, and you'll want to share it. Shout from the rooftops that your babies made it. That you made it. That being born early is not always a death sentence. That prematurity can be beat. That you know for a fact that God is still in the miracle-working business.

Ryan and Evan started this life on shaky ground, but today my babies are two of the strongest, smartest, healthiest, and most fabulous children anybody can ever meet. There is nothing that they haven't accomplished. They are truly my super heroes.

I still want prematurity to end, though. Sadly, not all babies have an outcome like ours. One baby born too soon is one too many. Our family will always support the March of Dimes. Please consider joining the fight to end premature births. Let's fight now so babies won't have to.